HUMOR TO TAKE THE STING OUT OF SAVING MONEY

 A friend wrote after I said I bought some pants:

 Thank you for treating me to your mind blog.
 The upshot is that Chuck transgresses. At least it wasn’t really big bucks!

Glad you liked it. True, it’s not as expensive as that audio interface that killed two thirds of my Sweetwater card.

A few years back saw skinny Levi’s in bright green. Thought they’d be a good alternative to the gray ones you always see me wear. You’ve never seen me wear my jet black super skinny’s. Can find stuff like olive green, camo green.

I also decided when I go to the Green Day concert I wanted to wear skinny jeans that aren’t gray.

Anyway, was looking around for the bright green ones. Don’t exist anywhere anymore, just bright yellow and bright red. I do an internet search for bright jeans and see Hot Topic as the website for different colors.

Some pretty cool colors and even very cool patterns. No bright green. But there’s a sale on and I get a pair of purple for just under $32 shipped. Probably not as good quality as Levi’s, but it’s not like I’m wearing them every day.

I see the Hell Bunny jeans towards the top as being the real you:

http://www.hottopic.com/hottopic/Denim/Girls.jsp

You can scroll down that page for more. The Pink would be good for dog training classes, would get the attention of dogs, owners, surveillance satellites.

Anyway, tonight another transgression. Maybe I should use you as my witness to lack of willpower so I do better. Maybe not. Could be annoying for you.

What I really need is one of those archetypal dominatrixes at about 6’3″ tall, muscular, zaftig, Amazonian Nordic goddess build, black straight hair with bangs, severe and precise makeup. In the suitable costume. Wielding suitable instruments of persuasion.

Not my thing at all, which is probably why I actually need that scary specter over my shoulder every time I’m on a website! She’d whack my pee pee every time I start to copy and paste my credit card number.

Or maybe just hire some real life Amazon to stand behind me while I’m on the Amazon website. There are a few up at the hospital. They would probably only agree to smack me in the head. Find one that likes to beat up men and she’d do it for free.

“Hi, I’m going on Amazon tonight.”
“Okay, I’ll be right over, I demand that you don’t start until I get there.”

The trouble is, after 10 trips without transgressions, she’d finally be fed up with having no fun and beat the crap out of me anyway, then take me up to the emergency room, push me out of the car onto the parking lot near the door, and drive off.

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