LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES

If you take the current mode of liberals and conservatives in this particular country, and reduce them to their ultimate distillation or end result of their philosophies, you have this:

Liberals:
Give away everything to everybody who doesn’t have a pot to piss in regardless of whether they’re trying to do the right thing or not, let everyone into the country who wants a better life. Doesn’t matter if the middle class is destroyed, no one thinks long term. Give to others until it more than hurts and accelerate our bankruptcy. Welfare consists of the only government agency available, the Federal Bureau for Magical Thinking. They pass out coupons to reward having more babies and credit cards for getting Wagyu Kobe Filet Mignon meals at 3 star Michelin restaurants. Don’t need minimum wage anymore as everyone makes whatever they make, and if they make something, most of it goes to the Federal Bureau for Magical Thinking anyway. Everyone who actually works is required to work to the age of at least 75. If you SAY you can’t work at all at any age, hey, that’s okay, you can eat nice beef for free and so can your 8 dogs, 25 cats and 6 hamsters. And your 15 kids from 14 “dads”. You are not allowed to vote unless you can prove you have an IQ of less than 75.

Conservatives:
Give as much as possible to millionaire gangsters, let everyone into the country for even more cheap labor. Doesn’t matter if middle class is destroyed, no one thinks long term. Using their terminology, shoot all the old people, gimps, retards, fucked up returning soldiers, gays, and immigrants who can’t work. Outlaw all reasons for abortion, legalize rape and incest. Make sure the war machine is running full blast. Welfare consists of a single bullet administered under the nose by the only government agency available, the police. Don’t need minimum wage anymore as everyone makes whatever they make, and if they make something, most of it goes to the millionaire gangsters anyway. Everyone who actually works is required to work to the age of at least 85. If you can’t work that long, see the section about shooting old people/gimps. You are not allowed to vote unless you can prove you have an IQ of less than 55.